Have you ever had a silly fear of something? A childish one, like the fear of the old man on the front of a Quaker Oatmeal box, or losing sleep due to the Boogeyman in your closet? You are not alone. I, too, had a wild phobia. One only a child’s imagination could create. Being sucked down the drain.
I guess you could have called me the smelliest kid in the 3rd grade. My huge fear of being swallowed by a bathtub drain frightened me to the point where I did not bathe. With the help of the family psychiatrist, this fear was finally forgotten, like a grinning, old Barbie under a teen’s dusty bed. Unlike the Barbie doll, my memory will never chase away the vivid recollection of the day my phobia was renewed. Fog filled the large, clean mirror of my bathroom. Lightly fragranced bubbles covered the surface of the scalding hot bathwater like sea foam. With a frosted plastic cup, I rinsed the last of my conditioner out of my chestnut-brown hair. My bath was coming to an end. I unplugged my drain and, AHHH! I twisted and morphed like a whirlpool. What was happening?! I appeared in a dark, wet, and somewhat smelly tunnel.. Hairballs, (Some larger than the average rat) lay scattered everywhere. The tunnel smelled musty, like clothes that never got to be fully dried. It was dark, and every time the icy cold water dripped, it sent a shiver down my spine. Where was I? I had my theories once I recalled my fear that was thought impossible. That was when I learned nothing is impossible. “Chchchtictictic”, a mysterious racket echoed throughout my house’s plumbing system. “Hello?”, I inquired nervously. “Well, my dear”, a witchy, scratchy voice returned, “it is not often that I have company down here.”. “Trust me, this would not be my first choice of where to be.”, I replied. “My name is Alberic. I can get you out of here, upon a favor.”, the creepy voice announced. “ My name is Charlotte, and how do you plan to do so?”, I retorted. “ The chemicals that you put down this drain have given me magical powers. My skin absorbs them and trust me, all that Drain-O and body wash adds up. It has made it to where if I concentrate really hard on someone’s desire, and then bite the person who desires it, their whim will be granted.”, Alberic answered. “Whoa, so what’s the favor?”, I inquired. A shadowy figure stepped forward. Yellow, narrow eyes and huge, yellow teeth flashed before my eyes in the darkness. Mangy, grey fur engulfed the figure. I was about to do a favor for a rat. “I ask of you to find me a wife. For I can grant anyone’s wishes with my magical bite except my own.”, informed Alberic. “OK, I will find your wife. Goodbye, Alberic, and I will be back shortly with your suitor.”, I reassured. That’s when the hairballs came in handy. There was nothing else living in the drain and I was ready to get out. I knew it would be too hard to find a wife for a rat in here. Upon this thought, I jogged over to one of the rat-sized hairballs I had mentioned, and drug it to Alberic. Due to Alberic’s living in the dark, his eyesight was horrible. He could not tell the difference between a rat and a hairball. “Here is your lovely new wife”, I boasted. “Oh, Charlotte, she is beautiful!”, Alberic beamed, “I guess it is time for you to get out of here.”. “Thank you, Alberic. You will be missed.”, I praised. Alberic bit my forearm with his sharp, yellow teeth. Pain exploded through my body, but I knew being home was worth every drop of blood my forearm shed.
There was a knock on the wooden door of my bathroom. I was back. “Charlotte?”, my mother inquired. “Yes, mommy?”, I replied as sweetly innocent as I could muster. “Be sure to wash behind your ears.”