10 Responses

1. wii consoles

   12|Feb|2010 1

   Money can’t buy your kids’ love. They are always going to love both their parents, regardless of how much money one has to spend on them over the other. What they will most remember are the special times spent together, whether it is at home, an amusement park, a vacation, or just doing simple chores or errands together. Kids crave love, attention, support and guidance from their parents. Of course, the toys are nice and fun, but that will get old after a while. Kids want and need more than that. I’ve got to admit, my kids were a bit spoiled, too, but they were also spoiled with my time for them and putting them first. Don’t worry, you’ll do just fine.You are giving of yourself for them and doing what’s best for them. They will learn from this and it will help them get through some of the tough parts in life.
   You don’t sound frumpy or square, and as for frugal – you’re living within your means, while adjusting to a new economic status. That is wise right now, and it’s also teaching your kids a valuable lesson. Money and material things, while they can make our lives more comfortable, easier, and fun – they aren’t everything, and certainly not everything that matters.
   That’s great if Krystka can help you come up with ways to improve your place and make it look more like home.

2. spaznski

   12|Feb|2010 2

   Well, this is what you signed up for – this is what having primary custody of your kids is…it is the “responsible parent” role.
   Yes, this is how it is going to be – she is going to be the fun parent and you will be the diciplinarian, no fun one.
   Get rid of the “au pair” and do those duties yourself like most of the single/custodial parents out there do, and use that money you normally pay her to do things fun with your kids.

3. Bagels

   13|Feb|2010 3

   We are in the SAME position…my step kids go to their mother for 1 overnight a week and she takes them SHOPPING (on credit cards numbers she has stolen from us-another story)! Sounds like this is new for you- we have been doing this for 3 yrs now…and I have to say my kids (elementry school and high school) KNOW the difference. The HS child is a little tougher- b/c she likes the “stuff”…but my child in EM school crawls into my lap sometimes (wanting affection she does not get from her mother) when she gets home and my HS wants to “bake cookies” with me! They know where true love comes from- your being there/sacrificing/consistancy/bedtimes/s… the “bad guy”- that tells them they are truely loved. Her things are a symptom of her dysfunction- they know the difference. Dont let her (the x) get you down- force yourself to be up for the kids. My husband always goes outside and plays with them-they love that! We refuses to get into the “things” battle w/ the ex-wife (you know-she does itgood we do it better)- I want to soo badly sometimes but DONT ! Your kids will look back and know who was really there for them! Keep your chin up! Your not alone!

4. VOELZKEM

   13|Feb|2010 4

   aman from above! my ex and his whole family does the same thing. my daughter was even grounded for a bad grade. when he picked them up he was all like “sure she will stay grounded and no fun” when he got her it was to the mall for shopping trips call phone and play time. they know that we are the better parents and they are over compensating. kids are not dumb. they will know in the future

5. jk1967

   13|Feb|2010 5

   well i wouldn’t worry about the ex- wife what u do with them is more important don’t get in the competition with her it is her way of dealing with all that has happen she is feeling guilty.

6. BlueEyed Snowflake

   13|Feb|2010 6

   This is all new and hopefully will phase out. She seems a little hurt and misses the little ones. Let her do her thing and continue to yours…it shouldn’t be a battle. If what she’s doing interferes with the structure you are striving for than you have to say something. Like if they return Sunday night’s just dog tired and can’t focus in school…you need to put your foot down. Don’t act jealous just be realistic. Your kids will more than likely look back on thins and be happy that you gave them the structure they so needed.

7. dulce_ca

   13|Feb|2010 7

   Well it seems like for now your going to be the square parent and your wife the fun parent, but keep in mind there kids so right now all they care is about having fun. In every relationship there is a fun and a mean one. Its usually the mom who is the square one because they are the ones that have the kids and have to deal more with them, but in your case its the other way around. As time goes on you children will realize and appreciate all that you do for them and they will grow out of the toys, and junk food she buys and gives them. If you worry they will prefer your ex wife because she is buying and doing all the fun stuff they won’t. As we mature we always remember those who taught us responsibility and who helped us when we needed them the most. You can also try to do fun things with them that don’t cost any money. You can go to the park or to the zoo ect.. fun doesn’t always cost a fortune.

8. how to hypnotize someone

   13|Feb|2010 8

   i think every non-custodial parent does this to one degree or another. or they do the polar opposite in which they just drop the kids off at someone’s house, then come around to pick them up once their “visitation” time is over, all the while talking all sort of smack about the other parent.
   be thankful that the other parent is still in the children’s life and being active in it. also bear in mind, the other parent knows that no matter how much they do and how much fun they can jam pack into a weekend with the kids, still doesn’t mount up to what the parent who is taking care of them week in and week out does. you are who the children trust, you are the one they will go to when there’s a problem of any kind, you are the one that gives them a sense of security, etc. she’s simply trying to buy her way into staying in their lives. it’s fake and the kids know it deep down, but they are also going to milk it for what it’s worth meanwhile. but in the end, it’s you they appreciate and know genuinely love them.

9. zen

   14|Feb|2010 9

   Oh geez! What fulltime parent hasn’t had to deal with the Good Time weekend parent! My ex never took the time with my three kids when we were married, he was too busy being..out. But, as soon as we were divorced, he became Good Time Charley. Amusement parks and pizza. I struggled to pay rent and keep food on the table But, that only lasted a couple years until I went for child support.

10. Wildflow

    14|Feb|2010 10

    I saw my now ex do this with my stepson.. when we had him for visitation my then husband would put on this huge fake life of boating like crazy, flinging money we didn’t have, amusement parks till midnight, etc… we were all exhausted when he was done with his visitation (including my stepson who only wanted time with Dad.. but we were so busy “entertaining” he rarely had time with his Dad)… it became apparent over time, when he wanted the crazy spoiling.. he came to Dad.. when he wanted everyday life, structure, and “home” it was Mom.. who was the rules, budgeting, working hard parent..
    Just keep up providing the stable home for them, they’ll see you both for what you are.